Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
