I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
