someone get that fucking seahorse.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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