covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
