I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
