the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
