I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
FUCK WHALES
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
