my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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