sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
