Will you blow on my dice?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
