so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
