he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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