It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
