So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
