I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
