There is no way he is gay with that hair.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
