my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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