I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
