the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
