Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
