i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
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You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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