She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
