Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
