how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
