I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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