Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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