i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
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Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
