That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Randomize
