yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
