Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
