google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
