just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
