hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize