i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
