She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
