so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dignity is for republicans.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
do nipples grow back?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
