Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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