ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
