this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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