Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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