Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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