Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
