Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
