i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
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