TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
