i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
