I think scott just propositioned me for sex
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
