I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
