something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
third nipple confirmed
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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