THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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