"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's official drugs can't kill me
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
