Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
