I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
