I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
