god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
