I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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