Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Too much gin, very little bucket
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
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Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
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I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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