i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
