I just saw a hot homeless man
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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