I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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