Say something about gay babies.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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