I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
two words...techno handjob
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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