We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
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after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
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you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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