your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
