Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
