Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
