he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
