im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
