just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
