Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
