I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
