Can i not drive my cunt home
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
