You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.