i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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