Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(408): View more from California

I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.

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(775): View more from Nevada

What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?

(1-775): View more from Nevada

A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!

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(571): View more from Virginia

i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(520): View more from Arizona

He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.

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(515): View more from Iowa

Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.

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(850): View more from Florida

Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies

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