oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?