What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
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Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.