The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
