if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
